Making Purty For Daddy

This one is amazingly nimble for her size, she had full range of motion for getting at food from ground level to arms length high.

Ever notice that big and weird asses always have footwear that do not require any manual tying or fastening?

Here is a fine feminine specimen getting tribal war paint, I mean makeup.

Maybe to accessorize her flip-flop, sweat pant, tee shirt ensemble...is that Vera Wang?...yep looking good, time to go out and meet with my peeps.

How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You?

How many times do I have to tell you?

No "Unitard" jogging suits that are A) too form fitting B) see through C) stuff wrote on ass.

You A) don't have the body for it B) I see your panties nasty girl C) compel the general public to read your ass

You didn't think you looked so bad when you left but honey pick up a fashion magazine at checkout instead of a nutter butter jumbo pack.

Like Mother Like Daughter

Where to begin?

When you have a child you are responsible for raising them correctly and offspring learn by mimicry.

Ok Honey lets go shopping.

Hair in pony tail? Check.

Crappiest dollar store shoes available? Check.

Bra showing? Check.

"CRAZY" wrote on your ass in childlike play block lettering? Check.

Now lets go find you a prom/wedding dress that matches those flip-flops.

Your Choice Of Fine Fillies

Who says all the good ones are taken? These two ladies are there for the taking IF you know where to look. A man on the prowl for romantic prospects can always find love in the checkout lane.

When it's 90 degrees out, you know your a Big and Weird Ass if you decide to wear jeans. Sorry ladies, jeans aren't helping and jeans with a wife beater when you are yourself (in theory) a wife just don't cut it.

C'mon you two, mosey on over to the diarrhetics, they are on sale today.

Fat Is The New Black

Flats, flats, flats and more flats...never a high heel in the herd.

Well this spring Mr.Blackwell announced that fat is the new black, and this gal is formally dressed.

Nice to know she spent hours on her hair too. Remember ladies, always look immaculate when appearing in public, you never know when your going to meet Mr. Right...or your baby daddy.

Protecting Their Young

The females are the matriarchs of the herd, always aware of their surroundings they protect the youngest of the herd, viciously if necessary.

Do not be lulled into a false sense of security by the serene nature of these females, they could turn on you and kill in a second if threatened.

Slowly we move away, leaving the females to their nuturing and grazing, hey this futon is 30% off!

Please Screw Up My Dye Job So It Makes My Outfit Look Better

And there it is, mullet, snazzy going to town clothes and looking at some tasty fruits and vegetables....shes a keeper.

Do I see a future vegan or is she looking for bait for her rabbit trap?

Have you ever noticed there is never any shoe laces on Big and Weird Ass hoovewear, that's for the quick get away from all the romantic admirers.