Big And Weird Ass

Dedicated to finding and photographing Big and Weird Ass in the wild.

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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Just Keeping Fit




Just working out, keeping fit for the ladies....feel the burn.

This is why bowling isn't an Olympic sport.

I like the way he got all dressed up for going out...must have a big weekend planned.




Friday, October 24, 2008

OMG! You guys suck!


Let's start left to right shall we?

Skunk hair dye job girl...get over it...you look like a porn star from the 90's.

So many drums so little time?...dude I know drummers they are physically fit...you haven't beat anything other that your meat in years. Lose the shirt THEN lose the t-shirt under it...good golly man have some pride.

You in the green shirt with the pony tail...nice getting all dressed up to go out...how long have those pant cuffs been dragging through horse shit?

You with the green purse...time for a sun dress...enough said.

I see you there on the bench with your lime green outfit....good God woman...buy a full length mirror THEN go out.

You with the baseball cap...no whacking off allowed get your hand out of your pocket we ALL know your playing pocket pool with yourself and trust me dude...it looks like your losing.





SCORE! BWA Supreme!

Big and Weird Ass scores a direct hit.

It's big.

It's  weird.

It's an ass.

Personally I like the way the tube-halter-blouse-thingy rides on top of it.

And what are those?

See through petroleum based bra staps?......nice...Grandma would be proud.

Words do not do justice to it.







Ladies And Gentlemen...The Gunt

I make NO claim to this one...it came from a hair dresser in Detroit.

A cross between the "gut" and the c-word "c***"  = GUNT

You saw it here first and Thank You my hair dressing friend where ever thou art.




GASP...It's Robin Hood


C'mon dude...try a little at least would you?

Why is your back pocket 14 centimeters above the back of your knee?

You have all of the faux rapper angst and none of the workout at the gym.

What makes it worse is you are carrying your sugar water for energy around with you.

The pants dragging through dung and mud ain't cutting it either.

What the hell is up with the red hoody

Did Pete Wentz's tour bus break down on your paper route?





DIET pop


My friend...diet pop is your answer.

Horizontal stripes are not your answer.

Ankle socks are not your answer.





Look Out Ladies


Look Out Ladies...the FOX is on the prowl.

What the hell is this guy wearing?

I am all for out of the box thinking but the guy is out of bounds thinking.

Lose the driving cap..they ALWAYS look dumb........ALWAYS.

You would have looked cooler carrying a fifth of Jack Daniels....the "healthy water drinker look" isn't working for ya.

The lamb chops and flavor saver beard isn't going to bring the chicks a' running either.





Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Where Is The Fire Ladies?

And one for the ladies...

If I was a fireman this guy would not want me as his partner, I couldn't even carry one of his legs out of a burning building.

I like this guy's confidence though, the way he is posing to show it off for the ladies......classy.

Hot dog rolls on the back of the neck....what lady can resist this kind of masculine charm?

Ring ring....Playgirl called, they want their centerfold back....grrrr.




Muffin Stuffin


Fashion Tip # 34

Pants must fit to at least the hips and back pockets must make it to the top of the buttock.

If one or both of these criteria are not met, give the pants back to your child.

Are those marks on the pockets supposed to be making some kind of statement or did she accidentally sit in something?

Lucky Number?

Lucky number or letting everyone know the number of hours it took to get those jeans on?

Those pants are so tight I think I can see a birth mark from here, I hope that is a birth mark.

Hour glass is the ideal shape for a lady on the town and this gal has no less than 14 hour glasses in view.




Form Fitting To Thrill The Boys


What can you say?

When someone has it going on like this there is nothing you can add that isn't self explanatory in the photo.

Man's sweater. 

Purple tight jogging sweats.

Scrunchy

This look must have taken hours to perfect.

....Vanity Fair here you come.




Dainty Outfit


Fashion Tip # 967

Black is not for everyone.

This petite little outfit says much about this sassy girl's attitude.

Just one question, why not black shoes to complete the ensemble?

I think the older woman on the right is either taking a picture of the front of this charming outfit or me, what a freak!





Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sex On Wheels




Ah, yes..a personal transporter. (like they used in olden times)

For a mere $5500.00, you too can mobilize that BWA and look really, really...err......cool. *cough*

Our BWA field reporter had a difficult time taking this photo, having to fight their way through legions of fair maidens fawning over him. 

Rumor has it, that a knight was disqualified from the 2pm jousting event, after insisting upon using a futuristic chariot in lieu of a horse.

And You Can't Find A Date?


"I dunno what attracted me to her first" gushed Alonzo Rapheal Cortezio, "It could have been the sassy kangaroo tail, it could have been the homemade hanger and saffron fairy wings, it could have been the furry faux hooves...I just knew it was right."

"I felt a strange hearkening in my nether regions and it wasn't even that time" a tittering and giggling Sadie"fudgenator" Mayonaisio of the Kennybunkport Mayonasios replied. 

"I saw his rubber ears, he saw mine, our antennae touched and we BOTH felt the magic." Sadie added.

"I asked him if that was a medieval ready meal in his pocket or if he was glad to see me, it was a ready meal though" Sadie reminisced fondly.

Next time your out on a Saturday night and can't pick up a potential mate, just think of the above photo.

If they can find each other and true love, you can at least get laid once in your life.

Note the girl on the right with the soft drink, she isn't catching flies with that open mouth she just can't believe what she is seeing.




Tuesday, September 30, 2008

How Does It Stay Up There?


Fashion Tip #3

If it is sticking up your cooter, don't wear it. People will only wonder whats going on up there.

Fashion Tip # 99768

Buy shirts for the widest part not the smallest part, it does not have the slimming effect you think it does.

Fashion Tip# 4

No polka dots ever.




When Resting Pick Your Roost






Darwin's Law?

If Darwin doesn't have this law he should.

It was found that when studying mass migration patterns of BWA that successful habits were imitated to the benefit of the whole.

Case in point, see photos above.

Whether these are subconscious or conscious decisions is not known, what is known is that when choosing a place to rest, the strongest structural point of any position was located and utilized by males, females, young and old.

Note the "stump to rump" location on these benches and even when something as sturdy as a 100 year old tree stump wasn't available, the ground itself was optioned over weak and pathetic 2x12 lumber benches, although provided in abundance to the herd.

Nature or nurture?

You decide.



Monday, September 29, 2008

Can You Hide In That Camo Better?


Camouflage is never a good idea as a fashion statement.

Adding a army green military T shirt isn't telling the world you can color coordinate, it's telling them you just got out of ROTC for weekend leave.

Add a sexy ankle tattoo to divert attention away from the fact your showing the world your panty lines commando style and you "got it going on!"

Now top it all off with a 3 second hair-do courtesy of a scrunchy and your ready for deployment soldier.





That Hour Glass Shape The Boys Find So Appealing





Please keep your PVC in the boudoir. Your shiny sticky petroleum based clothing selection is not appealing to anyone but the acne covered virgins in your community college ethics class.

When trolling for a new man have your "going to town" PVC halter on, pay for one third of a bad dye job and have your roommate pull your lacing tight enough to rupture your internal organs..it works like magic.

In the 2nd photo white has been added to the waist line to show exactly just how tightly this outfit was pulled together, possibly the most severe case of muffin top ever seen by this BWA reporter.

It hurts my small intestine just to look at it.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Fashion Foul - Trying Too Hard

Bedunka dunk in the trunk...she could have come off really hot but took it a few points too far.

Errors noted:

A) Frayed cuffs from dragging your pants through dung, gum and other pleasant substances is never advised to complete "your statement".

B) Pants too low and too tight for your...your uh...feminine qualities. Our subject has advertised to the world her love of carbs in her choice of pants. 

C) Squeeze all that goodness into a muffin top look that the kids really go for nowadays. There are other holes on that belt select one that is just a little looser that way if you find any loose change you can actually bend over to get it.




Do You Have Another Pair A Little Tighter?


The expression of the two birdhouses in the upper left say it all.

How do people even squeeze themselves into pants this tight?

WHY do people even squeeze themselves into pants this tight?

Every Girls Crazy Bout A Sharp Dressed Man


Fashion Tip #432 - Chicks dig a man who is secure enough to wear a child's backpack.

The subtle seductive power encompassed in this gentleman's ensemble is only to be out done by his sheer animal magnetism.

Black socks with gym shoes.

Child's school back pack.

Pop bottle tucked securely in front pocket.

He is a keeper ladies, you can take this one home to mom but remember... tell her hands off!

He is all yours.





Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Power Suit for Power Lunch


Fashion Tip #4673

Wear your power suit when out and about, who knows when you'll meet that new business contact.

This picture technically qualifies for the trifecta moniker.

The girl on the left is wearing something about 40 thread count away from being invisible for a top.

The girl on the right wore her good pajamas to town this morning.

And the girl in the center, aside from buying pants too long for her hooves, is wearing a hoody, it's like 80 degrees out there today.




Thursday, September 11, 2008

Pull-Ups

Hitch  To move or raise by pulling or jerking

"No Fear" is the motto for this BWA, those worn cotton sweats show and accentuate every subtle hill and valley of her girlish figure.

Baring her midsection confirms to everyone within 50 feet she is a girl on the go, not to be held back by your conservative notions of whats proper or not to wear in public.



Business Casual


A mated BWA pair. Wearing Khaki, shopping for Khaki, feeling khaki.
Male BWA considers a black pant, but upon consultation with the fashion-forward female exchanges  for the "safer" khaki pant. 




Get The Skinny

I need a skinny tie to match my skinny jeans and skinny shirt.
Did she wear her daughter's flip flops by mistake? Those gun boats are overlapping the sandals.

Where do you find capris or peddle pushers in this size? Who makes them?

BWA demands answers.




Tuesday, September 2, 2008

It's A Freaking Convention


This female is the alpha and the omega of fashion.

Slimming top, baggy nasty pants, newspaper boy bag.

No thats not a bandanna, see next photo, she opted for hair dye to match her top...ALWAYS a good choice.

No need to fear the wedding photographer now.


Its a Bonanza...its a Convention...its...its....BWA heaven....

No fewer than 5, count em 5!

From Left to right.

1) Don't wear anything that looks like a dentist assistant uniform outside.

2) Too tight a top accentuating the "muffin syndrome"

3) Shelf BWA, a nearly perfect and pristine example no less.

4) Black tank top accentuates white bra strap, very classy. Flip flops...always in style.

5) Red top, red hair hippie girl from previous picture, don't even get me started.




Fashion tip # 54 - Get a purse strap that actually goes around your body.

Fashion tip # 345 - Walk in between your skinny friends, it's a symmetry thing.

Fashion tip # 6857 - Don't wear colors that make you look like a bee, subconsciously people will respond with fear and aversion.



If you need to look for a particular size poncho.....just give it up.

These jeans have no right to be that tight.

Jeans AND flip flops?....baby say it ain't so.

Mom has the shelf going and is working it...another window into the future here.




Teach The Children


Remember your diet is the same diet your children will learn and live by.

Remember your choice in cheap footwear is what your children will learn and live by.

You don't have to be Karnack the Great to see into the future in this picture....its all here.


"Are you threating me?...ARE YOU THREATING ME?..."

If I was getting a glare like this from this silver back I would be running the other way.

Are those back pockets or hip pockets?

Fashion tip # 675 - If your top hangs up on your hips, it's time for a bigger top.



Another mated pair in the wild...why is one of them never the hot one?

I don't even know wear to buy a shirt like this gentlemen is wearing.

It's what I like to call "Charlie Brown Chic"


These poor kids are being taught that crocs are ok...they are not.

These poor kids are being taught that mother's summer pant wear is best worn looking like it was stuffed up your behind with a pole...it is not.

These poor kids are being taught that color coordination is not important at all....it is




Threat Displays In The BWA Kingdom


Locking eyes the female begins to slowly circle her enemy, an adversarial female from across the street threatens the local matriarchs mating ground.

Sometimes it is what is in the background that makes the shot worthwhile.

I don't understand the haircut either....I didn't say it, you thought it though.



Flip flops, too tight tank top for showing off her belly button, tiny little disco purse....take me home mama I am all yours.

Fashion tip # 444 - Don't pick your teeth in public with the same unwashed hands you handle money and wipe your butt with....save it for home.


Designer jeans AND crocs...this is a double no-no or a 2X'er as we call it here at BWA.

Designer embroidery on back pockets was officially declared obsolete in 1979.

Crocs are just never right....never....ever....just don't do it they are nasty.



Muffin top carrying a food bag...think before you carry.

"Do I want to be seen carrying food around with me for the next 8 hours?"

If these shorts were any lower or any tighter she would look like the mushroom cloud from a nuclear bomb.


Fashion tip # 986 - If your top is tight enough to show your segmented body you should change it.

C'mon you must own at least one mirror at home.

Fashion tip # 4 - Only reveal it if it's worth revealing, otherwise cover it back up.




Fashin Tip #1933 - When In Public, Dress Accordingly


Yes! A mated pair...rare and elusive, one of the hardest moments to be caught on film, a bull male and his mate migrating from the spent and barren feeding grounds on one side of the street to fresher pastures on the other side of the street.

Note how they have dressed to the nines for the general public's scrutiny.

He is obviously military, possibly special forces.



Once on the other side of the street, the male begins to explore and mark his territory, scenting food he leads the female to their new dwelling.

The earring the male wears denotes he has pirating experience.

The fish hook in the hat lets the world know his marriage bait is out and for the taking.

The keys and beeper lets everyone know he is accessible and responsible for locking up something.

The pit stain, well the pit stain is just a pit stain.


"Look Francesca we look just like twins"

Fashion tip #1653 - Never dress duplicate of your skinny friend, even if you like it on her it won't have the same effect on you.

Toilets to the left, food to the right.


I had to blur the ridiculous looking leg tattoos on both of these subjects...really people, re-examine your life the moment you decide to put a permanent mark on your body letting the world know...yes I love Coco-Puffs.

I see Bud is the drink of choice by the shirt probably never touched a Bud-Light....heck why not get ALL your apparel there my friend? If your going to advertise for free...get the shorts and underwear too.

Did I REALLY need to see this bra?...C'mon at least make a attempt at hiding your underwear from the public ok?

I am not even going to comment on the camisole...it's underwear too.




" I know, tomorrow I will wear the turqoise sweat pants that tie at the knee (very european), my striped pullover, white sandals and my brown leather purse.....look out men here I come"

Why did I need to see EVERY line of her panties....why....why?




Sunday, August 31, 2008

One Soft Taco To Go


Fashion Tip 526:


Buy YOUR size pants, NOT the size you wish you were.


Are these the going to town pants? If they are what does she lounge around at home in?

They have these things now, nice ropes if you will...I guess they call them belts...you might want to look into them.


What's worse is, it is totally unknown if she is wearing any underwear, these are down pretty far and I don't even see a stitch of panty....the world is full of mysteries.




Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Goth Apple Does Not Fall Far From The Goth Tree


Goth Mother and Daughter sighted in broad daylight...yes....the rare and elusive "day walkers".

Yes they do exist and we have the proof right here on Big Weird Ass.

If these polyester pants were any tighter they would be screaming for mercy, wait shhhhh....I think I hear them screaming their tiny screams for mercy now.

C'mon ladies....all black? It's summer throw a colored scarf on or something to catch the boys eyes.

Nice wife beater for showing off the tats .......yummy.